Mary, Mary, feeling... weary
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Dear Friends and Readers,
Today is a soup day. Not because it’s cool here in Austin and I want to be cozy, but because it’s NOVEMBER! It’s just time for soup. Potato tarragon soup! So after I get today’s topic off my chest, I’ll be peeling potatoes all evening. Sometimes I dream of making these posts into videos. How funny would it be if I were peeling potatoes while I talk to you about DISAPPOINTMENT? I’ll say very Helen Bucket. And with that I’d like to start this newsletter with “Cheer up, Charlie! Pretty soon the sky is going to clear up, Charlie. Cheer up Charlie, do!”
I’ve been growing weary for awhile. Not in every part of my life but in the “doing good” part. I couldn’t place what it was that was actually fueling this weariness until I landed on disappointment. Oooh. That’s what it is. As I try to live for God and do good, I’ve been let down by people and circumstances along the way. We spin our wheels, pouring ourselves into what feels like love and righteousness, only to feel weighed down when things don’t turn out as we hoped.
It’s like a slow kick in the pants, isn’t it? It’s gutting and can leave a wound. You’re sore for a while… maybe a little all over. That wound can sometimes take a while to heal and sometimes right before you’re almost there, you get knocked in that very same place again.
We cannot keep “doing good” and keep asking God for more faith and more hope for the future if we’re yoked to disappointments from our past and present. It won’t happen. It’s just not possible.
First you must acknowledge the root of the wound. Only then can you find your way again. You have to ask yourself, 'How did I get here?' and be ok— even find comfort somehow in knowing that maybe this isn’t where you dreamed you’d be after all. I highly suggest writing down all of the circumstances or things or relationships or dreams that haven’t worked out the way you had hoped. Ask God to exchange those disappointments with things He wants to give to you instead. Wait and listen to receive what He has for you now. He’ll comfort you as you let go of those people/things/dreams/circumstances that you had wanted so much at one point or another. Let Him make room for something new, something that aligns with His vision for you.
As everything comes to the surface, there may be moments when unforgiveness arises while you’re praying, tempting you to place blame on others or even yourself for these disappointments. These, too, are places for Him to tredge through with you. Deep cries out to deep.
When we are in the middle of processing our disappointment we can remember that Jesus is faithful. 2 Timothy 2:13 says: “If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” Even though we may not ever find all of the answers to what we are going through/have gone through, we can depend on His faithfulness to get us through it all. We can bring to Him all of the things that make us want to turn to bitterness, and He can make our hearts sweet again. God has been showing me that lamentation [to Him] can completely take the place of rumination. We can go to Him and just be weak and express our sorrows and He is there and knows what we need. That feels better than replaying past events and worrying about the future… dwelling on negative feelings and the ‘ what ifs.’
I’ve also learned that letting go and not being offended by my disappointments is a fragrant sacrifice to God. This isn’t easy; letting go takes strength, yet it opens our hearts to something sweeter—freedom and peace that only He can bring. When I can lay down what I thought something should look like at the feet of Jesus, that is such a pleasing offering to Him who loves perfectly. Now, in that place, my shoulders are weightless and my arms are empty. Ready to receive the NEW and the MORE! That’s what He has for you, too. He sees you. He has endless grace and comfort for you. And when we receive His love and comfort, we have more to give to others around us. That is beautiful.
Well, it’s potato peelin’ time! Thank you for your readership and subscription. It’s always a joy to write to you! Let me know how you take care of disappointment in the comments! See you in your inbox soon!
Eternally yours,
Amber
This resonates. It’s really tough when our disappointments are with someone super close & we think the proximity of the relationship entitles us or “makes it ok” to be bitter or resentful. It doesn’t. And that’s hard. 🙏🏻🤍😔
Beautiful post, Amber. I like the idea of laying down burdens we carry, to make room for, see and accept what God has for us ahead. It sounds restful.
How was the soup?😊❤️